**Note: this is not the actual water I reference in this post (in the spirit of complete honesty :D).Well, I've been thinking things over and have come to the conclusion that my blogging patterns have some issues. First of all, I haven't posted since January, which ought to be some kind of an indication.
Second of all, I never use paragraph breaks like the above, and as anyone who ever gets an email from me can tell you, I always write too much. I once made a new acquaintance in High School right before the summer and as we emailed back and forth over the summer, he told me he had no idea I could talk so much. That is because I go into major overtalk in writing and while you can edit that in a story or a paper for class, you don't do it so much online.
So I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and be less verbose (talk less :D), but post more often. This may be more of a possibility than ever before since I am GRADUATING in less than a month. Heavens to Betsy, whatever will I do with that? Clearly write more blog posts if its the last thing I do.
My roommate and I were talking about how we feel like liars when we tell people we are excited about graduating. Separately, we've been on pilgrimages in the past week and sat down to talk with God about why we aren't excited and don't know why since we have incredibly, God provided, exciting circumstances coming up (she's going to Duke, I'm working at Fuge, how much more awesome can you get?). Within about two seconds of sitting down and telling God that I just didn't know what the heck was making me so freaked out about all of this, God told me, and my roommate too. Isn't it amazing how He speaks?
It turns out that even though I've been through tons of change on the mission field and back and forth, it's been a very long while since I've had to do something completely without someone comforting. In fact the only time that I did not have someone to fall back on was the beginning of boarding school when I had only met anyone in the whole dorm once before. That was where my faith grew the most, because I had to rely totally on God for the first time in my life.
Now I'm there again and terrifying as it is, that day in the mountains on my little self-journey, I sat and stared at a great, rushing river. There are some massive rocks in the middle of the waters and they sit, still and unmoving regardless of the changes of time and of water. And the river itself, though the waters change and move on, the river never ceases to be there, to flow, and it occurred to me that God is the same way. He is always there, and though circumstances and the things He takes me through may change, He never seems to move or change, like the massive rocks in the middle of the stream.
Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I'm come.
I know that I've gotten this far by God's help and lovingkindness and faithfulness.
And I hope by Thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.
I know, as I read in an excerpt from Pete Peterson's book The Fiddler's Gun, that this changing, scary, sometimes lonely road does go home. Home to Jesus. And in between now and then, He's walking with me with the constancy of the river. Thank God. And how how could I ever forget? And so, now comes the reason, besides privacy concerns, that I haven't mentioned the name of the place I went in the mountains. For a memory helped I absconded with a pretty gray rock with blue spots in it that I found on the picnic table. It's sitting near me somewhere and though my mom tells me that it was not so good to run off with a piece of this place, I feel that it is like the monuments the Israelites set up to remember the might deeds of the Lord. May I always remember in just such a way.
Amen.
Before I close, I have to confess that though I know God is with me, I can't help going a bit crazy at times. Tonight in a fit of hysterical laughter, my roommate said that they (the school) get this close to handing us a diploma, we lose our minds in papers, exams, and fears of the future, and then they give us the diplomas anyways out of pity. :D Here's to the craziness of April! Ahhhh! Let the games continue (since they've already begun and stolen my thunder).
